Silver Lining
by ItsWhatIWrite
Summary: The morning following Gabby's breakdown. Companion piece to my one shot, "Lost Then Found." Dawson/Casey with a Dawson Siblings moment.


**_Sooo...here it is! The companion piece to Lost Then Found. If you haven't read it, I suggest you do before reading this. It'll be easier to follow along. I really appreciate all the reviews I got from that story, it wasn't easy to write. I feel like there have been several missed opportunities on the show to dive into mental illness. It's a very serious matter that hits close to home for me and I was nervous to write about it. So once again, thank you. :) _**

**_Let me know what you think._ **

_Silver Lining_

Companion Piece to _Lost Then Found_

Shutting the water off, Matt blindly reached around the shower curtain and pulled a towel from the nearby hanging rod. He wiped his face dry, the droplets of water mixing with a few of his tears. He'd managed to hold it in all night for the sake of making sure Gabby actually slept but as soon as he'd stepped into the shower, he let it all out.

He felt like he'd failed her. Like he didn't try hard enough to get her to open up to him about how she was really handling things.

Stepping out of the tub, he secured the towel around his waist and took a good look at himself in the mirror. Between the stubble and the bloodshot eyes, he looked as if he'd just come home from an all-nighter. The bags under his eyes were heavy from the lack of sleep. He'd hardly slept. An hour here, half an hour there. He estimated probably five hours total. He'd refused to allow himself to fall into a deep sleep for fear that he'd wake up to find Gabby gone. Every time she shifted or made any sort of noise, he was awake and studying her form to make sure she was ok.

He returned to the bedroom, not at all surprised to see Gabby still asleep in the exact same position he'd left her in. He was hoping she would wake up on her own and save him the fight they were sure to have if he had to wake her up. Turning on the lights, he walked between his dresser and the closet, finding clothes for the day and trying to make some noise.

She still didn't budge.

He pulled a light blue sweater over his head and plopped down next to her. He brushed the tangled hair from her face and took note of her puffy face and tear stained cheeks from the night before. "Gabby?" He whispered.

Stirring a bit, she leaned into his touch. "I'm sleeping," she mumbled.

"It's time to wake up."

"Don't want to." She threw an arm over her eyes, trying to block the light that was invading her sleep and subsequently pulling her away from dreamland. "Just a little bit longer," she begged.

"Your brother should be here soon." Matt checked his watch, "you've been asleep long enough. Come on. Don't you want to get a shower before Kelly hogs the rest of the warm water?"

Gabby shook her head, "he learned his lesson the last time."

Matt sighed, he wasn't going to play this game with her. He wasn't going to allow what happened last night to just be swept under the rug and it seemed as if that's what she was trying to do. "Seriously, Gabby, you need to get up. So either you willingly climb out of bed and go take a shower or I pick you up and put you in the shower."

She dropped her arm and looked up at him, her eyes squinting as they still adjusted to the light. "You're mad."

"I'm not mad." Well, he was mad. But not directly at her. At the situation.

"Yes you are." Her lip trembled and her eyes filled with tears, "you're mad at me."

Matt was a little taken aback by Gabby's sudden change of emotion and he silently reminded himself that she was obviously still dealing with things and that she didn't seem to have quite a grasp on her own emotions. Last night had been a scary example of that. "I'm not mad at you, Gabby. I promise."

"I'm mad at myself." Her voice was so quiet that if he hadn't seen her lips move, he would've thought for sure he was just hearing things.

"For what?" he asked, treading lightly.

"Everything."

Matt sighed, trying to choose his words carefully. He was barely balancing on the fine line between trying to get Gabby to open up to him and not wanting to push her too much. "Everything, huh?" Her eyes flicked up to his in confusion, not quite understanding his angle. "That's a lot to carry on your shoulders, don't you think?"

"I deserve it."

"Nah, I don't think you do."

The mattress beneath them shifted as she rolled away from him. "You don't get it."

"Well then talk to me so I_ do_ get it."

Gabby turned her head back towards him, "I'm the reason my best friend is dead."

"No, you're not," Matt insisted. "But I know exactly how it feels to blame yourself." His thoughts briefly went back to the day that Andy Darden had died and the days and weeks afterwards that he had blamed himself. Sighing, he climbed over Gabby and took up his empty spot on the bed. He stretched out on his side so he was facing her and placed a hand on the side of her face, brushing away a few tears with his thumb. "It's horrible feeling," he admitted. "A constant ache in your heart that stays with you wherever you go. It has a horrible habit of making its presence known every time you feel even the smallest amounts of happiness."

"I want it to go away," Gabby cried. "But I don't know how." She took breath, trying to control her emotions. "I'm not crazy," she insisted. "Logically…I know it's not my fault but I…I just can't help but constantly think that what if-"

"—You have to stop," Matt urged, cutting her off. "You have got to stop thinking what if this or what if that. Because that will drive you crazy."

"How did you?"

"How did I what?"

"How did you stop thinking about the what ifs?"

Matt grinned, "well, you see, there was this girl…at the time, I was too stupid to realize how special this girl was but she knew how special I was. Even if I didn't see it in myself." Still holding her gaze, he leaned in and rested his forehead against hers. "She was a friend when I needed it. A shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. You know, she actually turned out to be the best thing that's ever happened to me." His words seemed to upset her instead of console her. "It was you, Gabby. You've always helped me fight to see the light every time I found myself drowning in the darkness. Please," he begged. "Let me help you."

"I hurt you," she cried. "I left. I shouldn't have left you. I'm sorry!"

Matt captured her lips with his, tasting the saltiness in her tears that were falling too fast for him to catch. He pulled away. "Stop," he whispered between ragged breaths. "I should be the one apologizing. I should have seen it. I should have noticed that you weren't handling things well. Instead, I chose to focus solely on work and only our professional relationship. When you were ready to talk, I didn't want to. That was wrong of me, Gabby. So wrong. You needed your fiancé, not your lieutenant."

"But you needed your candidate and not your fiancée."

"Which shouldn't have been the case. You, my fiancée, should have come first. And from now on, you will." He reached for her left hand that was resting against the side of his face, smiling when he felt the ring he'd put back on her finger last night. "Remember what we talked about last night? This ring? Huh?"

Gabby nodded, "yeah. I remember."

"And you'll never forget?"

"Never," Gabby whispered. "I love you and I'm sorry. I promise to always put you first."

"And I promise to always put you first."

Gabby closed her eyes, feeling herself start to relax for the first time in months. "I've missed you so much. And this…right here, talking to you. It's helped. A lot." She took a breath, "but I think…I think maybe I should talk to someone. Last night scared me. I don't want it to happen again."

"I think that's a great idea." He kissed her forehead, "I'm so proud of you."

Opening her eyes, she met Matt's once again, "but Antonio is still going to want to talk to me, isn't he?" She was so emotionally drained from their current conversation that she wasn't sure she could handle a similar one with her big brother.

"Yeah," he gave her a reassuring smile. "You'll be fine. He'll always have your back, Gabby." He glanced at his watch, "you've still got time for a shower."

"Join me?"

Matt grinned, "I was hoping you would say that."

An hour later, both were out of the shower and getting dressed. With her hair wet and pulled up into a messy but and out of her face, Gabby pulled on one of Matt's hoodies and a pair of leggings before deeming herself presentable. She caught Matt's concerned gaze through the mirror and immediately looked away. "I wish you would stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like you're afraid to look away for fear that I'll disappear," she whispered.

"Then promise me something?"

"Anything," Gabby insisted.

Matt stood up and walked over to Gabby, he turned her around so he was looking directly at her instead of through the mirror. He reached for her hands and held them tight. "Promise me that you will _never_ do that again. You will never disappear or threaten to hurt yourself in any way. Can you promise me, that?"

Gabby nodded, her eyes once again watering. "I promise," she whispered.

He smiled, "good. Now let's go see what your brother has cooked up for breakfast."

Gabby raised a brow, "Antonio's here?"

Matt held up his phone, "checked my phone after we got out of the shower, Kelly sent me a text letting me know that your brother was here and had taken over the kitchen."

"I bet he's made French toast."

"Well let's go find out." Taking a hold of Gabby's hand, Matt led her out of the bedroom and into the kitchen.

Hearing footsteps, Severide looked up from his phone. Seeing no recent signs from crying from either one of them, he grinned. "It's about time!" He focused his gaze on Gabby as she let go of Matt's hand and slid into the stool next to him. "Hey, Gabby." It wasn't often he greeted her by her first name but he was hoping she would understand the meaning behind the change of routine.

Gabby smiled and pulled Kelly into a hug, catching him off guard. "Thank you, Kelly," she whispered.

"For what?"

"Not hating me."

"I could never hate you. Ok?" Kelly made sure he had her gaze locked before continuing, "and I could _never _blame you. And I know for a fact that wherever Shay is, she's not blaming you either, ok?"

Gabby nodded, her bottom lip trembling. "Ok."

Antonio cleared his throat, catching the looks of all three people. "Morning, sis."

"Morning," Gabby said, not meeting her brother's gaze.

Antonio turned his gaze to Matt, "so it looks like you guys don't have any maple syrup. You and Severide care to take a quick trip to the store?"

Matt nodded, catching Antonio's silent request to be given some privacy with his sister. "Yeah, sure." He grabbed his keys and wallet from the counter and looked down at Gabby, meeting her eyes. "I'll be back." He kissed the top of her head, "I love you."

"Love you too." Gabby shared one last look with Matt before he shut the door behind him and Kelly. A few seconds silence lapsed before she looked over at her brother, meeting his eyes. "We have syrup," she whispered, not knowing what else to say.

"I know, I found it. I just wanted to talk. One on one."

"I know." She cleared her throat, "but before you do, I already told Matt that I want to talk to someone."

"Good. And I'll be there to make sure you follow through on that. I actually have someone in mind but we'll talk about that in a minute." He turned off the oven and sat the spatula on top of the stacks of French toast. "We have other things we need to talk about."

"I know."

Antonio sighed, it looked like he was going to be the one that had to get the conversation rolling. "You scared me, Gabby."

"I scared myself." She crossed her arms as she allowed herself to think back to her actions from the previous night. To be honest, after pulling Antonio's gun from his holster, it was a bit of a blur. She wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. "I don't even know what came over me and that's what scares me the most. But I need you to not be mad at me," she looked up at him, her eyes pleading with him. "Please don't be mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you. I'm upset. But I'm not mad at you." He walked around the counter and rested his hands on her shoulders, and leaned down so he was at eye level with her. "But I need you to promise me, that you'll never, ever and I mean _ever _do something like that ever again. Do you understand me?"

Gabby nodded, she wasn't sure she had much more tears left in her but there they were, threatening to fall once again. "I promise. I do. I promise."

"I don't care what time of day it is, where I am or where you are…I _need _you to know that you can call me. I need you to trust that I'll always have your back. If you would…" his voice cracked, "if you would have followed through, I don't think I'd be alive right now. I don't think you understand how many hearts you've managed to settle yourself into. I love you, Gabs. And I need you to understand that you're alive for a reason, ok?"

Again, she nodded. Wiping away the tears that had fallen, she cleared her throat. "You're not going to tell mom and dad, are you?"

Antonio sighed but shook his head. "No. Under one condition."

"What?"

"You said you were going to talk to somebody well I've already set up an appointment."

"With who?"

"A psychologist that works closely with the district. She's got over thirty years of experience working with first responders, police officers, soldiers…she specializes in PTSD." Gabby opened her mouth to start to protest but he put his hand up, "let me finish, please. I'm not saying you have PTSD but you've obviously got survivor's guilt. I just think, you should talk to someone who has a lot of experience working with people who have been in your position, ok?"

"Ok," Gabby agreed. "It's a deal."

"Good. You have an appointment in two hours."

Gabby watched as Antonio turned his attention back to the brunch he had cooked up. "Antonio?"

The sincerity in her voice caused him to look back over at her, "yeah?"

"I love you, too." She smiled, "and thanks you for being the best big brother ever."

He chuckled, "you're not just saying that because I'm your only big brother, are you?"

She shrugged and glimpse of sass passing through her eyes, "no need to focus on minor details, Antonio."

He laughed, "now there's the Gabby I've been looking for!"


End file.
